5 Lessons For Grief
Today, August 30, is National Grief Awareness Day dedicated to raising awareness of the various ways individuals can cope with loss. Resources are offered to those going through personal losses and reminds us to support people we know who are grieving.
Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own time. To celebrate National Grief Awareness Day, I am sharing my top 5 lessons learned from the perspective of losing 17 people within 1.5 years. Those lost include a 15-year co-worker, my mother, two souls gone way too early, a godparent of my oldest child, two brother-in-laws and 10 more within one degree of separation. I have learned a lot and I’m still learning today.
The top 5 lessons for me were:
Reframe the question, “How are you?” - answering this same question over and over is very hard and can escalate to a point of infuriation or rage. My lesson learned was whether you are asking or answering the question, reframe to invite description of emotions in a way such as “What moments are the bluest?” or “What moments bring joy?” While the answer may still be “I don’t know,” it investigates how someone is doing with different questions. From the receiver end, I started answering this question from reframed perspectives and it effectively stopped emotional escalation.
Cumulative grief is real - Whether the cumulated loss number is 3, 17, or 35, cumulative grief occurs when you do not have time to process one loss before incurring another. No two losses feel the same, and the emotional toll gets heavier and heavier. Finding your best way to process grief from individual loss or loss as multiples is necessary.
Music is therapeutic - whether music validates that its ok to not be ok such as Not Right Now by Jason Gray, or music invokes strength like the song I’m Still Standing by Elton John, I find music to be a wonderful therapy. Find your jam.
Writing surprised me as being therapeutic - I have always enjoyed writing, but I never really journaled or thought of writing as useful therapy for me. Many folks suggested writing as therapy, but I did not take action on the advice until I was undoubtedly convinced I was not processing emotions but suppressing them. Once I started writing, I haven’t stopped.
Check your blind spot - Especially all of the badasses out there, a lot can be hidden in the blind spot of badassery. If you are honestly evaluating your blind spot, you may be surprised what is hidden from others and from yourself. Enlightening to the point I am writing a book on my lifesaving discovery of the blind spot of badassery.
The main point I want anyone to takeaway from this candid expression of my top 5 lessons learned is while everyone grieves in their own way and on their own time, remain open to learning from the experiences of others to find ways that help ourselves and others process grief.
More information about Grief Awareness can be found at the following websites:
American Psychological Association (APA) - https://www.apa.org/topics/grief/tools
National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI)- https://www.nami.org/Personal-Stories/Grief
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