3 Lessons For Advocacy
I was honored recently when someone shared with me a candid and vulnerable moment in their life. Specifically, a person that had been a big part of their life showed up as an unexpected health and life advocate. While many friends and family members are essential supporters in life, it's even more amazing when the incredible acts of courage and bravery made by an individual transforms them into a health and life advocate.
I often hear others describe the moment of transition from supporter to advocate as a time when selfless and awe-inspiring actions are made for the betterment of health, wellness, and/or survival of the individual. In the moment of transition, the actions may span on a spectrum from normal and non-valiant to uncharacteristically aggressive. Regardless, the impact of advocacy actions including the transition itself are often not recognized or realized in the moment. Reflection occurring within minutes, hours, days, or months may be necessary to truly comprehend and appreciate the actions taken and life-changing impacts.
I immediately connected with the candid life changing interaction shared with me. It recalled a flood of memories from the moment 1.5 years ago when I unexpectedly became a health and life advocate. A moment of bold actions catalyzed my transition from supporter to advocate and my status as a health and life advocate was clearly established and owned. Like the life-changing moment shared with me, I transitioned to my role as a health and life advocate in a single moment, with specific actions, and the details of the moment will remain clear in my mind forever.
My transition from supporter to advocate developed in a compressed timeframe of 1-2 hours and was catalyzed by bold actions wielded in desperation to unstick stubbornness. It started when information was delivered to my mom about bed sores that had developed after being hospitalized for 3 months, she refused to comply with prevention efforts, and the experts called on me to talk to her. My plea for her was to listen to the experts, take action for herself, and if she could not do that, then to take preventive actions for me, my sister, and dad. The obstinate posture including pursed lips and furrowed brow was unwavering. We were at a stand off, she was not budging, and my instincts kicked in.
Imagine standing over your mother lying in a hospital bed, she is refusing to take the necessary actions to prevent bed sores from progressing, and aggressively telling her, "The attitude that got you in here is not the attitude that is going to get you out!" Then, immediately turning your back to her and walking out of the room. A flurry of feelings rushed over me as I walked out of the room - anger, fear, fury, sadness, and disappointment. I couldn't believe the words that just came out of my mouth, or that I turned my back on her, and at the same time, I couldn't believe her stubbornness with seemingly no logic and reason.
After calling my sister to vent about the situation, I returned to my mother's room. Astonishingly, the wound care specialist was putting a wedge under my mom for preventive action. The specialist thanked me for talking to my mom and was thrilled she conceded to allow preventive actions. I was shocked. I could not appreciate the full impact of my bold actions in the moment. After my mom spent another 2.5 months in the hospital without progressing the initial stages of bed sores, the impact of my actions was clearly worth the intense situation and feelings.
I feel blessed for the recent conversation that recalled this moment for further reflection. It was a monumental moment for my mom's health care journey, her quality of life, and my relationship with her. Inspired by the person that recently shared with me, I am sharing my reflections on this moment and the following three lessons learned to help others that may find themselves in a similar situation now or down the road.
Be Brave. When the stakes are high, emotions are high, and you have opposing opinions, recognize the crucial conversation. Be brave to have the crucial conversation, do not shy away from it.
Be Resilient. Follow the "oxygen mask rule" to put on your oxygen mask first before helping others. Meaning, be your best advocate to ensure you have consistent toughness and capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties.
Be Assertive, and if necessary, amp up your Badass. Make sure you are heard. Whether that takes assertiveness and badassery, be the best advocate for your needs as well as the needs of others.
Wielding the superpowers of Bravery, Resiliency, and ASSertiveness (aka BRASS) were fortifying enablers for taking actions as a health and life advocate. I use the acronym BRASS to remind me of these powers, not only as an advocate for others, but for me, too. Lean in to your badass self.
You are Brave. You are Resilient. You are Badass.